12 Ways to save a dying relationship

On Behalf of Kevin E. Sralla | November 4, 2020 | Blog

Watching a relationship end can be one of the hardest things a couple goes through. Sometimes romantic relationships just aren’t meant to be, but other times you can save them. If you’d like to salvage a dying relationship, there are some steps you can take. Here are 12 strategies you can use if you and your partner would like to fix your relationship.

Check in when you are apart.

Send each other quick texts when you are both at work or when you can’t be together. Ask how the other person is doing or share something funny or sweet. Those connections that you make when you are apart can help increase your sense of intimacy.

Talk about when you first got together.

Do you remember what first attracted you to your partner? What happened on the day you met? Maybe it was love at first sight, or maybe you had a friendship that evolved into a romance. Spend some time talking about how you felt during the early days of your relationship. It will help you focus on what you love about the other person and remind you what it felt like to be falling in love.

Touch in a non-sexual way.

Show physical affection to your partner in a way that isn’t sexual. Non-sexual touches are important because they show that you care without the expectation of sex. Rub your partner’s shoulders or pull your partner in for a spontaneous hug without the intention of it leading to sex.

Be transparent about your feelings.

Be open and honest with your partner about your feelings. Tell the other person if you are concerned about the relationship and what your worries are, especially if you are thinking about breaking up. It’s not fair to blindside the other person, and you need to know if your partner is having similar feelings. When you share what you are thinking, it opens the door to honest discussions.

Talk about factors outside the relationship causing stress.

Chances are that there are many aspects of your life that cause you stress, and the same is true for your partner. These outside factors often push their way into relationships and cause problems without the people involved even realizing it is happening. Work is often a big cause of stress that can make its way into a romantic partnership. Other factors may be children, finances, and family. Talk about everything that might be interfering with the way you relate to each other. When you know what is causing the problems, they are easier to fix.

Take responsibility for your mistakes.

Most of the time when a relationship is failing, both partners have made choices that contributed. Spend some time thinking about any mistakes that you have made that may have hurt your partnership. Admit them to your partner and apologize if appropriate. If your partner also wants to save the relationship, that person will respond by doing the same.

Do activities you used to do.

Most couples have certain activities and traditions that they enjoy together, and these times often disappear when there is stress in the relationships. Revive old activities that you have stopped doing as a couple. This might mean going back to an old favorite restaurant or having Chinese food together every Friday night. Maybe you used to go bowling on weekends. Whatever your special activity was, make it happen again.

Have realistic expectations.

Take some time and evaluate whether or not your expectations of your partner are realistic. And what about your partner’s expectations of you? It’s important to see each other as fallible human beings and to not expect perfection. If you are asking too much from your relationship, you are only going to be disappointed.

Learn how to fight properly.

All couples fight, but there is a right way and a wrong way to go about it. Spend some time together researching the rules of handling an argument properly. Avoid making mistakes like name-calling and bringing up transgressions from the past. Fighting the right way actually gets things accomplished, which fighting the wrong way can quickly destroy your relationship.

Make future plans.

Talk about your future together and where you might be in five or 10 years. Think about whether you will move in together, get married, have children, or meet other major milestones as a couple. It is easy to give up on your relationship when you don’t see the future with the other person. Also, spend some time dreaming together about great future trips or experiences you’d like to have.

Forgive past mistakes.

There can be no moving forward when you are still stuck in the past. You have to forgive each other’s mistakes to have a good relationship. Bitterness can have no place in your life together.

Get counseling.

Couple’s counseling is good for every couple, but it’s particularly important for couples who are having trouble. If you are serious about fixing your relationship, counseling is a must. Ask friends or other people you respect for their recommendations, and find a professional that will work for both of you.

While not all relationship problems can be fixed, you can sometimes repair a damaged relationship if both people are committed and willing to take the necessary steps. If you are having problems with your partner, give these strategies a try. They just might help you turn things around.

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